If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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