Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
