Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The Olympian is in my bed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
