The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
