Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
even my farts smell like vagina
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
