So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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