I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
