This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
