we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
