I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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