I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
