Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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