I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize