dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
