your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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