OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
