I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
