I just gift wrapped bread.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
