I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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