kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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