It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
