vagina is talking i cant
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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