PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
