If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
