Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
