We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is it penis luge time yet?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
