life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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