shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry about my life...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
