Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just tell him i said nine months
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
