the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
