it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
