bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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