When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
