I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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