i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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