i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if only i could text you this smell
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
