giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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