My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
