he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
