fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
