I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Randomize