I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
