I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
