OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
