***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
