Welp...herpes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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