I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
