went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its about making memories worth repressing
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
