There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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