I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
