Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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