Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
