I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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