If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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