saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
