that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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