TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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