His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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