If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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