I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
