i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
