Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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