We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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