you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
