just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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