I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
