We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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