So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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