oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
