tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
