we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
