Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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