so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
