I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
