I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
