When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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