I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my poor anus
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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