Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
