I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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