He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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