Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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