Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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