so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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