apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
