Plan B is the new Plan A
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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