Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
